Written by Sarah Yoo
Bali is a big draw for creative entrepreneurs. The low cost of living, Wi-Fi, creative healthy foods, co-work spaces, and a large number of expats has manifested Bali into ground zero for many start entrepreneurs. As a Life & Relationship coach, I started a weekly women’s coaching circle in Canggu to learn and support this thriving culture. Attendees from different professional backgrounds came together to share their struggles in a safe and intimate environment. Over several meetups, I began observing a re-occurring mindset challenge among these new entrepreneurial nomads. They felt shame and disappointment. Why?
The Shamed and Disappointed Mindset
You know that the results will come as long as you put in the hard work.
So, you hustle every day.
The numbers change, but not by much.
You keep working.
But no one is signing up.
You give it more effort.
Then you get another decline from a lead.
You wonder what you’re missing. What are you doing wrong?
You are supposedly living this amazing freedom-based lifestyle as you follow your passions.
Your friends and family think you are successfully living the dream at your fullest potential.
But the reality is, you’re not and the numbers don’t lie.
You KNOW that entrepreneurship is NOT easy and that anything good takes time to build.
Yet, you STILL feel ashamed and disappointed about where you are on your journey especially because you feel like you’re working hard and yet the results aren’t showing.
Why You Feel Shame & Disappointment
Everyone has an inner voice and most times, when it’s putting us down, we hear it loud and clear. This is the voice of your Inner Bully. It surfaces when we feel we aren’t where we’re supposed to be, causing us to feel shame and disappointment.
The Inner Bully tells you that you are never:
- doing enough
- achieving enough
- accomplishing enough
The voice of our inner bullies is the voice of our Egos. Instead of embracing our vulnerability and understanding that this work is a marathon, our Egos are more concerned with proving its credibility and success right now.
Egos need abnormal overachieving results for validation.
They want to stand out.
They want to feel special.
They want to be the best while putting others down.
To do this, the ego attaches our sense of self-worth to tangible results. (i.e. I will be amazing ONLY when I get $10,000 in my 2nd month).
So when they don’t have those results, the inner bully speaks up and sounds like this:
- I STILL haven’t made any money and it’s been so long.
- I wasted my day again. I should’ve done more!
- I shouldn’t be out having a breakfast, I should be working.
- I STILL haven’t achieved ANYTHING!
- Maybe my business isn’t that great… I need to do more research and make it better!
When the inner bully puts us down throughout the day, we find ourselves feeling:
- Low on energy
- Unmotivated or uninspired
- Creatively blocked and unsure what to do next
- Overwhelmed with too many things to do
- Embarrassed to promote our business
- Isolated as no one understands us
- Frustrated at ourselves for not doing enough
- Rushed like there isn’t enough time
How To Overcome Shame & Disappointment
We must realize that our sense of self-worth DOES NOT depend on anything external to us.
Unable to separate the two is NOT healthy for our mental and emotional wellbeing.
INSTEAD, CREATE YOUR SENSE OF SELF-WORTH WITHIN YOURSELF.
We don’t need to make thousands in sales within the second month to make us feel worthy.
We don’t need to be the better entrepreneur to be good enough.
Because we are already good enough right now.
Because we are worthy of acceptance and love from family and friends regardless of what results we produce.
Anything else adds to our existing sense of self-worth.
This is when SHAME, DISAPPOINTMENT, and SELF-DOUBT disappears.
This is when we begin to fall in love with the process, not just the destination.
Here Are My Top 4 Hacks to Help Overcome Shame And Disappointment For Good!
1. Start a Daily List.
Keep a log of what you did each day broken into hourly periods. For each activity, write down both the tangible and intangible results, even if it seems like it didn’t feel like you did.
For example, if you meditated, here is what you would jot down –
Intangible: a calm and collected mind that was more focused on the mission of my business.
Tangible: Made a business decision that aligns and supports the business’s mission.
- By jotting this down, you’ll visibly see how each activity you engage in contributes to creating positive results.
- You begin to feel a sense of accomplishment rather than feeling like you’ve wasted your time.
- The practice allows you to embrace your decisions guilt-free.
2. Celebrate ALL Your Wins.
At the end of the day, write down 3-5 wins that you experienced during the day – from the smallest to the biggest. If you struggle to recollect, think of a win in each area of your life including emotional, mental, spiritual and physical.
- Because you instantly see the positive results you’ve created in your day, you begin to FEEL GOOD about yourself.
- Although it is a simple practice, what we’re doing here is POWERFUL.
- You are rewarding yourself through positive reinforcement by directing your FOCUS to your positive wins.
- The more you practice this, the more you will experience positive wins because where focus goes, energy flows.
Expect more inspired actions for your business!
3. Be Open and Vulnerable.
On a regular basis (minimum, once a week!) take some time to openly talk about your challenges with other new entrepreneurs. I encourage you to be courageous and share from your heart, instead of glossing over your real struggles.
- Again, another simple practice that can yield AMAZING results.
- Simply talking about your recent experiences with someone can immediately reduce your stress level.
- When it’s lowered and you are back to your balanced self, you think clearer, make better decisions and have more energy to do more.
- Think of this as an important INVESTMENT to your business on a weekly basis!
4. Remember WHY you started.
Whenever you feel stuck, lost or feel like giving up, write down ALL the reasons why you started. This will help you reconnect with your purpose that’s often bigger than yourself.
- By reconnecting to your purpose of starting a nomadic entrepreneurial life, you will instantly see why everything you’re experiencing right now is worthwhile.
- This practice is a game-changer because you will feel a deeper emotional connection to what you are doing as you remember WHY you started this and WHY it’s important for you to continue.
- This makes your time and effort POWERFUL
Sarah is offering 4 Private Coaching Sessions at only 250K (80% off normal price). Email Sarah here to get a session in! Simply mention this article for the special price! Valid until December 31st .
About Sarah Yoo
Born in South Korea and raised in New Zealand, Sarah Yoo works and travels as she is on her mission to make a difference in the lives of the modern woman. As a Life & Relationship Coach, she helps you to reconnect to your consciousness. She guides her clients to create the best relationship with themselves first so that they can experience their best lives.
She is a big believer in that the quality of our lives depends on the quality of our relationships. Her work focuses on healthy boundaries, self-confidence, and self-esteem within romantic relationships, feminine & masculine energies, communication, and navigating life and relationships as an entrepreneurial nomad
While she is in Bali until September, she will continue to host the Women’s Coaching Circle. You can also catch here there! Two more meetups left!
Women’s Coaching Circle
Thursday 20th & 27th September
10am – 12pm
Join the group to be invited to the private event!